I'll Tell You Mine, If You Tell Me Yours: What's Your 'Why'?

written by Nina Cashman

Today, I want to tell you a little bit about why I left the only career I ever knew in marketing and advertising, to transition into an entirely new field of personal and professional development. While I’ve always felt the most purposeful when I’ve been able to encourage and motivate others, there’s a lot more behind what motivated me to bet on myself and take the leap to start my own coaching practice. And, as with most motivating factors in life, the reason is highly personal. Before I was able to step into my purpose to support others to trust and believe in themselves, it had to start with me learning to trust and believe in myself!

Ten years ago, I was working in the field of marketing and advertising (a 17+ year stretch) and was accustomed to gaining my confidence, or sometimes lack thereof, by the accolades and judgments of everyone around me. My mood and perceptions of success were attached to external outcomes – things like whether or not we won the account, if I got a promotion or not, or if my managers were pleased or disappointed with a business result that I had garnered. All of these sorts of outcomes would make or break my day.

Of course, whatever mood I was in would carry over into all aspects of my life. Despite my continued attempts to “leave work at the office” and “be a professional,” just like any other human being with a beating heart, I couldn’t help but allow the stress of my work life to carry over to my personal life. I felt distracted, incessantly busy, overwhelmed, and overall, completely powerless and out-of-control. Can you imagine what it must have been like to be around me : )?!?

Sometimes, I felt like I was swimming within a furious ocean, and helplessly getting smacked by swell after swell, with no sense of direction, or way to take cover. I desperately wanted to swim towards the security of some sort of stable, proverbial island called “happiness and success,” and yet, I felt so disoriented and controlled by the strong currents known as my obligations, disconnected sense of self, and endless to-do lists.

This way of life was manageable for a long time. I would wake-up, day-after-day, bracing myself to stay afloat amidst another, self-perpetuated, daily storm. I was pretty darn good at keeping-up with it all, too – I’d forcefully expect myself to cater to any expectation. And, while I learned a lot, and got to work with some amazing people, and even had some fun navigating through these circumstances, when it came to my life’s direction, and what I ACTUALLY WANTED, I ultimately felt totally lost and defeated.

Looking back, I can see that I made it pretty darn easy for myself to stay in a directionless drift. The old saying by the great, late author, Jim Rohn comes to mind,

“If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.”

Yet, all the while, despite my directionless drift, confusion and daily grasping, something inside of me kept nagging with the message – “there’s more for you.” And, amidst so many other life priorities and to-do lists, the mere thought of creating new possibilities for myself just felt too overwhelming.

So, I chose to bury the idea of trying anything new, in exchange for playing it safe. It just felt plain easier to deal with the devil I knew, than to confront the one I didn’t know. Besides, I had gotten pretty darn good at running myself ragged, and barely staying afloat ; ). I was a "survivor."

Then, something major happened in my life, and it changed everything. Our first son was born.

I’ll never forget the Sunday before I returned to work from maternity leave, as I sat with my husband, contemplating going back to work and leaving our brand new baby at home with someone else. Streams of tears fell down my face. Now, you might be thinking, “sure, she was experiencing perfectly normal anxiety, which many new moms face, when they go back to work after maternity leave” and yes, this was part of it.

BUT, there was something MUCH BIGGER at play here.

The idea that I had worked so hard for so many years of my life – yearning for a better paycheck, striving for the next promotion, and dying for recognition from other people, had ultimately, left me feeling empty and powerless, when it came honoring my own values, such as, spending time with our new son.

How was it possible that I had made so many choices in my life that seemed to generate "success," and yet, they had left me with so few choices about how to spend my time?

This moment of reconciliation had me vowing to NEVER allow myself to feel so disempowered again.

It was time to recognize all of my strengths, gifts, experiences, and yes, power! It was time to trust in my potential and bet on myself. From this point forward, the only person who was going to determine what I was “going to be when I grow-up,” was me. Not only was I going to do this for myself -- I was also going to do it for everyone else in my life; most especially, my family.

So, ultimately, my "BIG WHY" boiled down to simply wanting to prove to myself that I was worth my own trust and confidence. I was worth my own belief and personal investment. If I could be successful for a myriad of other people, and their companies, then why in the hell couldn’t I also be successful in any other endeavor?

I had A LOT to give to the world, and it was time for me to start paying attention to my internal urges, and greater sense of purpose, so I could start working closely with other human beings, and ultimately, help them build their own confidence, courage, and sense of purpose.

It was up to me, and nobody else, to prioritize what’s most important to me and build the life I want to live. For me, this meant our boys were always going to be “my number one clients” ; ).

I’m not sure what your situation is today; but, I want to ask you ONE question…

Why do YOU want to make a career or life transition?

Think about it for a second. Most likely, there are real reasons… and really important reasons.

Goals you want to achieve, things you want to do, people you want to spend time with – and taking that career leap to transition into something new – a new career, a new company, or a new role, is a means to that end.

So, again, I want to know: what are some of YOUR reasons for wanting to take that leap in your career and in your life?

What is your ultimate goal?

I know there’s a bigger reason behind your plans, your dreams, and your ideas. It’s never as simple as it sounds – you’re not just contemplating a big career move, just for the sake of it, or for the surface reasons – money, titles, accolades, etc.

Maybe for you, betting on yourself and taking that big career leap will bring you a greater sense of freedom, independence, a sense of calm, or like me, it will satisfy a strong desire to spend more time with your family. It will ultimately feel like you are taking a productive stand for what's most important in your life.

So, what is it for you?

WHY – really WHY – do you want to transition in your career and make changes in your life right now?

It’s a question beyond worthy of your attention.

Best,

Nina Cashman
Founder / Coach at Pave Your Way
Creator of the PAVE CHALLENGE