Expand the fixations of your focus.

written by Nina Cashman

I’ll be the first to admit it – I can be a “focus freak.”

Put something in front of me that I find interesting, or something I’ve committed to, and I can focus on it for hours-upon-hours, scratch that… days-upon-days… with endless energy! Quite often, this attribute has played to my advantage – where others get bored, I’ll stay driven and determined to see things through to the finish line. In many ways, this trait has served me well; especially, as a business owner and entrepreneur.

Other times? Well – let’s just say that I’ve also noticed myself place far too much attention on things that actually induce a lot of stress.

Then, I’ll later wonder… “hmmm, why am I so stressed?” When this happens, I usually won’t realize that I’m overly focused on the very things that derail me from joy, not to mention, seeing any new possibilities. As with many people, I’ve programmed myself to believe that a strong will and ability to focus are key ingredients to success. Of course, I’ve also got a lifetime of validation for this belief. Then again, we experience what we expect, right ; )?

Looking back, I can also see many times in my life, when I’ve fixated so acutely on things that all it did was apply vast pressure to one area of my life, while all other areas deflated!

Like the times in my late twenties when all I wanted was recognition for a promotion, so I stomped into work each day like a blazing bullish maniac, exhausting myself, and likely everyone around me. Meanwhile, any opportunities for other areas of life to blossom – like friendships, relationships, or my ability to relax and have fun, became virtually non-existent. Ironically, had I felt more “whole” in these other areas, I likely would have shown-up more calm and productive in my work.

That’s right, when I look back, I can clearly see that the parts of my life I neglected, could have actually helped me show-up less emotionally reactive in the parts of my life that I was heavily pushing.

There’s something to be said for the concept of “well-roundedness.” Let’s just say that I’ve come to notice that when I expand my focus beyond a narrow fixation, most of the pressure and stress that I’m placing on that one, single point diminishes. This allows for a wider, more expansive perspective to come into my awareness. With that, comes a sense of peace and calm, as I can now engage with a vast array of broader possibilities.

To illustrate this point, I love to use iPEC’s (Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching) “Wheel Of Life.” Of course, what I’m about to describe is my own interpretation of this model.

* Developed by Bruce D. Schneider, Ph.D., Founder of iPec Coaching

This tool offers a powerful visual representation of one’s life satisfaction within eight key areas of life. Once you rate your satisfaction for each area on the wheel, on a scale of 1 – 10 (10 being “totally satisfied” and 1 being “not at all satisfied”), you then connect your ratings around the wheel. Once we see the dots of our own life’s wheel connected, we cannot help but notice how round it is.

We may even ask ourselves, “is this a unicycle I’d enjoy riding, as I travel the streets of my life?” Better yet, “is this a wheel I could maneuver when confronted with one of life’s inevitable surprises?”

Here’s where it gets even MORE interesting, ask yourself:

“in what areas of life am I applying so much pressure of my focus that it causes me to neglect everything else?”
And, “if I could distribute my attention more evenly throughout the wheel, how much less pressure would I feel in one area, and how much more well-rounded could I feel overall? Better yet, “how much more easily could I ride through the ups and downs of life?”

Think about it, how much more life satisfaction could we all experience, if we could reduce our stress by simply making the call to… GET A LIFE!?!

By “get a life,” I’m simply referring to our ability to expand our narrow points of focus, beyond one aspect of ourselves to make an honest attempt to cultivate ALL aspects of ourselves, as indicated by the full wheel.

So, what’s the bottom line here? If something is stressing us out, then we might just be focusing on it too much. This will only increase the pressure and weight we feel from whatever it is. So, how can we actually “GET A LIFE”? We’ve either got to: 1) Figure-out a way to bring other things into our focus, or 2) change our focus all together.

Here are some suggestions:

TAKE A BREAK

Regardless of what you might be telling yourself, almost nothing you’re working on is so important that it cannot withstand a walk/run, yoga class, a snack, a general pause, or eating your lunch ; )! Seriously, if you’re feeling stressed, then step away from your emails and phone a/s/a/p, before you piss someone off and induce more stress upon yourself (and others)!

TAKE A LONGER BREAK, LIKE A VACATION

For realz’ – go visit some place away from your every-day-life to remind yourself of the great big world that exists outside of your small one. Expose yourself to new people, food, cultures, landscapes, and activities, and reacquaint yourself with the full range of what you’re connected to! Some of our most inspiring ideas, plans and people come to us on vacations.

GO HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS

Spend time with people who are willing to call you out on your B.S., while making you laugh… really hard. Good friends can almost always bring our feet back to the ground by allowing us to relax and have fun. Chances are, if you played and laughed a little more, everyone would enjoy your presence A LOT more, including everyone who works with you.

READ A BOOK

I know, I know, I’ve heard it many times – you don’t like to read, right? Well, given the fact that we live in a world of bite-sized, superficial, small-minded information, it makes perfect sense that so many of us have lost the ability to single-task for long stretches of time. Yet, reading actual books exposes us to new concepts outside of the plethora of agenda-driven news that we’re regularly served in today’s culture. Whether using “Audible,” or visiting your old school bookstore – try reading something beyond a misleading headline ; ).

EXERCISE

I’ll speak from personal experience when I say that exercise is my number one stress reliever. So often, when my mind is everywhere and I’m feeling strapped for time, it also seems like the last thing I have time for… is exercise! Yet, when I make time for exercise, I almost always think more clearly and stay more productive. We could make-up a million excuses for why we cannot exercise, so treating it like a non-negotiable habit, such as brushing your teeth, could help ritualize it.

MEDITATE

Here’s another thing many of us say we “want to do,” and yet, never do ; ). Yet, most of us have heard about the vast benefits of meditating. A couple of things likely stopping many people from dipping their toes into this pool are: 1) not knowing how or where to begin, and 2) thinking that you have to sit still for hours, in order to gain anything from it. The truth is that even 5-minutes of deep breathing can slow down your heart rate, oxygenate your bloodstream, and help you feel calmer. There are also some great apps to help you get started, like “Insight Timer” and “Calm” to name a couple. And, if you need some hard data as to why meditation is beneficial, check-out this article from The Harvard Gazette.