Real Happiness Takes Practice

Always Leaving Room for Improvement

Written By: Nina Cashman

Learnings from M.A. in Happiness Studies (Article # 1)

It was a calm, sunny Saturday morning on October 7, 2023, in Denver, CO, when I sat down to work on my master’s program in Happiness Studies.

Just as I was about to contact a program administrator about a broken link for one of our assignments, I saw a strange headline on my phone – “Hundreds of People Slaughtered in Israel by Hamas.” It wasn’t just the morbidity of the headline that caught my attention but the sinking feeling I got upon realizing that the program’s web administrator lives in Israel. The founder of our master’s program, Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar, is also originally from Israel.

Here I was on what seemed like a peaceful Saturday morning, about to read articles on life’s “ultimate currency,” or as William James called it, “life’s chief concern” (James, 1902), happiness, while some of the very people serving this incredible content were sitting just outside of a warzone.  It’s hard to witness such irony without asking an important question – how does one experience happiness in a world filled with so much pain?

It is no coincidence that the earliest words for “happiness” in almost all human languages stem from the root word luck, “hap” in happiness, and “gluck” in the German word “glucklich,” to name a couple.

For most of human history, “happiness” wasn’t seen as something people could control. It was not until the end of the 17th century that a new idea emerged about happiness being a right of all people. Yet, as author Darrin McMahon points out, “the idea that happiness is something within our control applies a bit of pressure onto humanity because now happiness becomes a part of your responsibility and not just luck” (The Aspen Institute, 2011).

Our ability to manifest happiness seems reasonable when our basic needs are met, meaning our existence isn’t filled with war, disease, violence, raiding, and social conflict. Then again, what if you are Israeli, Palestinian, Ukrainian, or any human living under an oppressive system or government right now? How do you find happiness, then? Not all societies live by the idea that governments “should work to provide the conditions in which human beings could flourish” (McMahon, 2018).

In a world filled with so many joys and still undeniable pains, I cannot help but realize how vital humanity’s ability to seize its “right to happiness” is – especially right now. Ironically, though, failure to acknowledge moments of inevitable unhappiness could pose a significant block to human happiness. In other words, our fixation on happiness in Western cultures could cause us to stop working towards conditions that actually lead to it.

Of all the things I have learned so far in this master’s program on “Happiness Studies,” ranging from methods and techniques that develop physical and emotional wellness to rituals that strengthen mental and spiritual well-being, for me, two concepts underscore all of it: 1) growth mindset and 2) the permission to be human. Without these two fundamentals, it seems unlikely that any individual, government, leader, or society will “shape better policies and prescriptions for the future” (McMahon, 2018).

Psychologist Carol Dweck researched hundreds of elementary school students to show how those praised for their efforts outperformed those praised for their intelligence. Dweck notes, “Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable they can control. They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child’s control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure.” (Bronson, 2007).

Just as a student’s belief that innate intelligence is the key to success discounts their efforts, it seems to me that adults who think they have a particular aptitude for happiness have less capability of contributing to it.

Why? Because a know-it-all rarely sees room for improvement and instead assumes “that problems result from personality and not from more objective conditions” (Stearns, 20112). Leaders who fall into the all-knowing category tend to see thriving work environments or societies as the result of people’s aptitude for happiness, versus recognizing their duty to cultivate an environment where happiness can thrive.

This unreasonable expectation denies the reality of our human condition, which involves a full range of emotions and real possibilities of failure. Dweck highlights the importance of accepting our propensities towards a “fixed mindset,” which blocks us from learning. She warns, “If we ‘ban’ the fixed mindset, we will create false growth mindsets. However, if we observe our fixed-mindset triggers, we can begin the journey to a growth mindset” (Dweck, 2015).

So, giving ourselves the permission to be human also seems fundamental to happiness. Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar points out, “Two groups do not experience painful emotions – psychopaths or dead humans” (Ben-Shahar, 2013). Moreover, I would add that many people also like to pretend they are always happy and, therefore, “fail to explore reasons for dissatisfaction because of pressure to exhibit good cheer” (Stearns, 2012).

Cultivating lasting happiness takes mindful practice. It begs that we exercise ways of creating joy and gratitude every day, not resting upon our laurels and boasting high levels of satisfaction. It requires regular attention to our spiritual, physical, intellectual, relational, and emotional well-being. And let’s be honest, some days are easier than others. This is where Tal Ben-Shahar’s “unconditional acceptance” idea is so important. He elaborates, “When we block painful emotions, we suppress and block the positive ones. Allowing ourselves to experience all emotions, including painful ones, allows us to share the positive ones” (Ben-Shahar, 2013).

Okay, full circle to where this piece started. The idea that I am learning about the science of happiness from a Jewish Israeli scholar during a chilling reminiscence of the Holocaust has me thinking about embracing the truth of our full humanity. Unless we can accept moments of unhappiness as real experiences in cultivating a happier reality, it seems feudal to expect anyone to adopt methods, techniques, and exercises that could lead to their whole well-being.

If a person or society believes they have already found the magic elixir to happiness in an ever-changing and dynamic world, then the possibility of actually living in peace and happiness seems bleak at best. As the French writer and Buddhist monk Matthieu Richard writes about the importance of exercising our mindsets –

“We spend hours doing physical exercises in order to get our bodies fit. Sometimes, we expend tremendous physical energy pedaling a stationary bike that goes nowhere… Working with the mind follows the same logic. How could it be subject to change without the least effort, just from wishing alone? That does not make any more sense than expecting to learn to play a Mozart sonata just by occasionally doodling around on the piano.”

So, while I believe happiness is attainable for all and every person’s right, it is also an ongoing exercise, not a dormant state of being. Happy people, organizations, communities, and societies require consistent effort, room for improvement, and a willingness to explore discontent as a way to seek improvement.

References

Ben-Shahar, Tal, and Miguel Angel Villasana. “YouTube.” Www.youtube.com, 2013, www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxsPl2WClHg.

Bronson, Po. “The Power (and Peril) of Praising Your Kids -- New York Magazine - Nymag.” New York Magazine, 9 Feb. 2007, nymag.com/news/features/27840/.

Dweck, Carol. “Carol Dweck Revisits the “Growth Mindset.”” Education Week, 23 Sept. 2015, www.edweek.org/leadership/opinion-carol-dweck-revisits-the-growth-mindset/2015/09.

James, William. The Varieties of Religious Experience. Modern Library, 1902.

Matthieu Ricard, and Sherab Chödzin. The Art of Meditation. London, Atlantic Books, 2015.

McMahon, D.M. “From Paleolithic to Present: Three Revolutions in the Global Hostory of Happiness.” Handbook of Well-Being, 2018. Salt Lake City, UT: DEF Publishers. DOI nobascholar.com.

Stearns, Peter. “The History of Happiness.” Harvard Business Review, 2012, hbr.org/2012/01/the-history-of-happiness.

The Aspen Institute, et al. “The History of Happiness.” Www.youtube.com, 2011, youtu.be/ERLo7oNHyLg. Accessed 17 Oct. 2023.