Says nobody, ever – but perhaps we could ; ).

Written by: Nina Cashman

Learnings from M.A. in Happiness Studies / September 12, 2024

Change—oh, how unsettling it can be.

I do not know about you, but spring and fall shoulder seasons always cause me to reflect on how my life is evolving. Whether flowers bloom and schools break for summer vacation or leaves wither, and children wear their school uniforms again, the “Doctrine of Flux” tracing back to the ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus rings true, or as scholar Margaret Wheatley plainly states, “change is an inherent capacity of living systems” (Wheatley, 1993).

Even though transition is an ever-flowing aspect of our existence, so is, it seems, our resistance to change. And why wouldn’t it be?

Change is a process where old systems break down, which can cause confusion, chaos, and anxiety. Major career and life changes can seem just downright messy, where nothing is clear, and our worlds feel totally unstable.

Nevertheless, as Wheatley also states, “It is in the darkness of chaos that our self-organizing processes, our creativity, come forth” (Wheatley, 1993). So, how do we self-organize and bring forth our creativity during times of most incredible discomfort? In the work of organizational behavioralist Dr. Margaret Wheatley of Harvard University, so many pearls of wisdom can be found.  

Wheatley suggests the steps to surrendering and why this process puts “life in motion, constantly creating, exploring, discovering” (Wheatley, 1998). Essentially, these steps involve stepping back to see a fuller picture, having the courage to acknowledge our ignorance to explore newness, and trusting that solutions already exist in the vast, interconnected web of humanity.

In other words, evolution begins when we involve others and trust in the existence of solutions, even if we do not see them… yet.

It is human nature for anyone to want to control chaos. When something disruptive happens in our lives—a job, system, or relationship change—it is perfectly natural to want to control our circumstances by putting things into tiny, oversimplified boxes. Inevitably, we will look for people to blame or things to point at as “good” or “bad.” Another strategy?  Criticizing “they” and “them” to disconnect ourselves from any involvement. The irony of this over-simplification is that it tends to isolate the problem outside of ourselves, or as Wheatley describes, “we see the change as some external force that is imposed” (Wheatley, 1993), rather than a complex system, to which we are intertwined.

Recognizing the complexities of our life’s circumstances, especially the tough ones, is perhaps the first step to creating newer, better circumstances for ourselves. As Wheatley herself describes, “few of us like to feel confused, or be confronted by messiness. But interrelated phenomenon – Life – is very messy. The longer we study a system, the more complex it becomes” (Wheatley, 2022).

So, accepting rather than resisting the normal human “messiness” we often face brings us one step closer to a phenomenon I like to refer to as “empowered powerlessness.”

This is when we allow our old definitions and judgments of ourselves and the world around us to melt away, so we can create space to hear, see, and feel the infinite wisdom of the vast world around us. It is when we fully integrate the concept of “I do not know what I do not know” – and suddenly, wow, the world becomes a more interesting, magical place! I love how Wheatley reinforces this idea –

“The world becomes ever more fearsome as we realize the depths of our ignorance and confront our true powerlessness. Yet it is from this place, from an acknowledgment of our ignorance and lack of power, the call can go out for a new story” (Wheatley, 1998).

During times of intense change, there is something incredibly liberating about accepting our total lack of control and fully embracing the powerful flow of life’s circumstances.

We can release the pressure of figuring things out, fixing, or controlling uncontrollable forces. Letting go of our natural urge to resist change is where life really begins to flow. It is the difference between fighting an ocean wave versus synchronizing with its power to carry us to shore. Bruce D. Schneider, founder of iPEC and my school of coach training, puts it nicely, “It is wonderful to be able to figure out what the meaning of one’s life events is, but even more empowering not to have to know” (Schneider, 2009).

Our ability to trust that a solution already exists somewhere in the universe outside our limited heads is the ultimate form of surrender. It requires us to have faith in the unseen patterns of the universe and ask for help from the vast resources of the world around us. To get involved with the world, rather than placing it in an oversimplified box that we can criticize, judge, and blame as we conveniently isolate ourselves from both the problem AND the solution. As Wheatley so eloquently states –

“Rather than thinking of organization as an imposed structure, plan, design, or role, it is clear that in life, organization arises from the interactions and needs of individuals who have decided to come together” (Wheatley, 1998).

Our ability to organize and create new pathways stems from chaos. It is usually only in chaos when we reach out to the brilliant forces around us, ask for help, and put our heads together to create a better way forward.

So, my friends, instead of oversimplifying our messy transitional circumstances as ridiculous signals that “something is wrong,” “I have failed,” “’ they are wrong,” or worse yet, “I am not good enough,” perhaps we can learn to appreciate them as signals of growth and creation. In fact, perhaps we can go so far as to celebrate the periods of our lives that present the most discomfort, knowing they are pushing us towards new and exciting shores. To remember this, we can hold onto Wheatley’s golden wisdom that “life seeks organization, but it uses messes to get there” (Wheatley, 1998).

So, “bring on the mess,” says nobody, ever – but perhaps we could ; ).

Want to explore more of Margaret Wheatley? Check this out:

• “Reclaiming Gaia, Reclaiming Life in The Fabric of the Future” (Wheatley, 1998): Click here.

References

Schneider, Bruce D., and Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching. Unconventional Wisdom. Edited by Randy Preiser, iPEC Publications, 2009.

Wheatley, Ed. D., Margaret J. “Chaos and Complexity: What Can Science Teach?” Margaretwheatley.com, OD Practitioner, 1993, chrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglclefindmkaj/margaretwheatley.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/Wheatley-Chaos-and-Complexity.pdf.

Wheatley, Margaret J., and margaretwheatley.com. “Reclaiming Gaia, Reclaiming Life in the Fabric of the Future.” Margaretwheatley.com, 1998, www.margaretwheatley.com/articles/reclaimingaia.html.

Wheatley, Margaret, and Shambhala Sun. “It’s an Interconnected World.” Margaretwheatley.com, Apr. 2002, margaretwheatley.com. Accessed 2024.